I’m not sure how long a quarter-life crisis is supposed to last, but I’m fairly certain I’ve been experiencing mine for the past two years and that I’m currently in the heart of it and I don’t know when it’ll end. When I started this blog, I was a recent college graduate, and I devoted my posts to venting about the frustrations and confusion of being thrust into the “real world.” The best analogy I can think of to describe it is that it felt like being wrapped up in a warm, comfortable blanket all my life and then suddenly having the blanket yanked off, leaving me all alone, out in the open, cold and lost and confused and scared, having no clue where to go and what to do next. I felt that way as I struggled to find a job after college, and sadly, I still seem to feel that way now, alone and vulnerable in the world, like I have no clear direction, that I’m simply existing and not fully living, as I’d also discussed in earlier blog posts.
The thing is, I’m fortunate that I have a loving family, that I’m working full time now and making money, that I’m pushing for my TV writing career by doing the master class, but despite all that, I find myself in a constant state of doubt. I’m always worrying about the future, the unknown. I’m always wanting something more, yet at the same time, I find myself struggling to find ways to really grow up, to become more independent, to better ease myself into adulthood. I often feel stuck, that I’m just working and working and working and that’s it. It’s far better than being unemployed, don’t get me wrong. It’s better than being on my own, because I do appreciate having my family’s support and my parents to guide me and help me along the way, but again, despite all that, I still find myself questioning my life and where I’m going to go from here. I guess it all boils down to: What’s the next step for me?
I’m trying to remember to just experience life, to lighten up and to not put so much pressure on myself, to remind myself that the joy is in the journey, not the destination, yet no matter how much I tell myself to ease up, I just can’t seem to do it. I feel as though I’m drowning in a sea of thoughts and worries and self-induced stress and anxiety, and I don’t know how to come up for air.
So, I’ve turned to my blog to spew my feelings for all to read, because I know I’m not alone in this. The dreadful quarter-life crisis is certainly something we all go through at some point in our lives. Perhaps it lasts longer for others, and I’m sure there are some people who go back and forth between moments of clarity and shaky moments of utter confusion by asking oneself, “What the hell do I do with my life now?” Regardless of the details surrounding it, the process of dealing with stress and doubt and figuring out how to transition from adolescence to adulthood unifies all of us in our human experience.
I guess the important thing to remember is that this feeling won’t last forever. I may feel stressed over nothing and everything now, but in time, as I continue working and taking steps toward my future, the path will become clearer. Even though moving to LA still seems like a next to impossible dream for me right now, in time, it won’t. No one knows what the future holds. That’s the beauty of it. Some days are better than others. It’s a matter of putting things into perspective. Can’t let myself harp on what I haven’t yet achieved and instead focus on achieving those goals one step at a time. It’s normal to experience fear and doubt, but dwelling on the future and worrying over nothing isn’t helping me. It’s only hurting me. And so, I need to remember to take a deep breath and just enjoy the crazy ride called life.