Looking back on my 2019 New Year’s resolution, I’m still figuring out my career path, and thankfully the picture is becoming clearer in terms of what I need to do to get to where I want to be.
I briefly talked about my New Year’s resolution for 2020 on the last episode of 2019 of my podcast. Essentially, my resolution heading into this new decade is to be more positive and let go of negative thinking.
I’m the type of person who’s naturally hard on myself, and I often worry about situations or outcomes that haven’t even happened. I overthink things and let those thoughts get the best of me. Moving forward, as I become more mindful of this thought process, I plan to basically rewire my brain to focus more on the positive rather than the negative. For instance, I’ve learned that if you’re feeling nervous or anxious about something, you can quell those nerves by telling yourself you’re excited.
The thing is, as much as I recognize that I’m unfairly hard on myself and that I still need to learn how to lighten up more, it’s so much easier said than done. It’s easy to tell myself that I’m not the only one with struggles and insecurities and doubts and feelings of negativity. It’s easy to tell myself that I’m not alone, that some people have it far worse than I do, that I should be grateful for everything I’ve accomplished thus far and everything I have. And even though I can certainly tell myself all of that to momentarily alleviate those anxieties and self-destructive thoughts of unworthiness and fear, it’s still a struggle to me to permanently change those negative thoughts by steering away from that line of thinking altogether and truly being more positive.
I will say something I have thankfully improved on is feeling so self-conscious at times to the point of shutting down and withdrawing and simply not saying anything when I’m in a big group setting. I’m not exactly the biggest fan of having attention on myself, especially when I’m with a lot of people. Presenting in front of the class, for example, was something I‘ve always absolutely dreaded, and yet, I always got through it because I had to as it was all part of getting a good grade for the class.
Of course, in retrospect, nothing is ever as scary or as embarrassing as it may seem once you actually accomplish it. That’s something I continually remind myself and it does help, since anxious thoughts can only amplify a situation and make it seem far worse than it actually is. The main thing is getting out of my own head, hence, as part of my resolution, I’m also going to focus on being more active and trying new activities. This past fall, I took a tai chi course, and the instructor described it as meditation in motion. Being mindful and present is so crucial to happiness, so I’m going to push myself to try new things like I did with that course and see where it leads.
The bottom line is that no matter what, I’ll never give up. In spite of experiencing negative thoughts or feelings, I have to push past them and keep trying, otherwise the negativity wins and nothing will change. Thus, I have to remember to embrace that change and be willing to fight for myself because then I’ll never achieve everything I want to achieve.
So, screw you, self-doubt and fear. I’m going to focus on being more optimistic and proving to myself that I have what it takes to achieve my lifelong goals. I can do it, and so can you. At the very least, that’s one positive thought that will rise above the negative ones.
Here’s to an incredible 2020 filled with new and exciting achievements!